To say all that I’d like to say I guess I should start from the begining. Don’t worry, this won’t take too long.
For me it began one day during dismissal from school. My friend walked from the bus line back to where I was sitting to tell me something. I thought he was just coming to talk about football or something like that or maybe he had forgotten something but that wasn’t it at all. “Marrisa likes you,” he said. I, being the dramatic person that I am, flipped out of my chair. I’m not sure what I said in response but knowing me I probably just said “nuh uh” and told him he was lying. Whatever I said led him to tell me to ask her for myself and that’s exactly what I intended to do. I marched over to Marrisa who was standing by the door waiting to be told she could leave and the conversation went like this:
Me: Geordie said that you like me. Is that true?
Me: But you’re older than me.
Me: But you’re taller than me.
Marrisa: I’m wearing heels.
Me: But you’re white.
Marrisa: So? I don’t care if you don’t care.
Me: I don’t care if you don’t care.
Marrisa: Great! You’re my boyfriend now, see you tomorrow.
Me: *jaw drops*
I was eight…
That day when I got home I had some big news to tell my parents. While I was making myself a sandwich they asked how my day was. I told them it was a good day and that I had a girlfriend now. My ma just said, “oh really? ” To this day I have no idea why she was so shocked by the news but I answered her “oh really” with a simple, “yes, she’s white.”
Up until then I had never known of a couple that was interracial. At least I thought I didn’t know of any couples that were. Years later I found out that the people we lived next to when I was 2-3 years old were interracial but at the time I had no idea. I used to play with their daughter and spend the night at their house often, but at ages 2 and 3 you don’t see color, you just see a person. I didn’t look at Marrisa when I was 8 and say she’s white because I was looking for a reason not to like her. I brought up the fact that she was white because, to me, whites and blacks didn’t date.To me it wasn’t normal.
That was back in 2002 and that was where it all started for me. From there I “dated” all kinds of girls. It wasn’t until I was 15 though when I started to look for a wife. Something in me wanted a woman to be with me forever and have a family together. I didn’t look at race, background or social status. I looked at the one thing that truly matters, the heart. Was she a Christian? Did she love people? Did she love herself? Did she love me? Were we best friends? These are the questions I asked myself among others and it’s what I focused on. On September 30, 2017 I married the love of my life, my best friend, Jennifer. She’s a God fearing, family loving, feisty woman who just so happens to be white.
If you were to take away the difference in our pigment you would see that we aren’t that different at all. We love the same music, the same foods, we have similar goals in life, we love our families and we love each other deeply. I could go on and on but certain people can’t, or rather, refuse to look past skin color.
No one told me how that would make me feel. No one told me that it would actually hurt. Yes, some tried to warn the best they could but it’s not until I saw the glares or saw people whisper did it actually set-in. No one told me how disappointed I’d be when I see a white man looking at me sideways whenever I’m holding Jennifer’s hand or we’re having dinner in a restaurant. No one told me the anger I’d feel when a black woman looks at my wife with disgust as though she’s done something wrong. No one told me that I would be so disappointed because they can’t let go of the past or see that not all black men are the same. Don’t they know that bad is bad regardless of race? It is not skin color that makes a person bad but their actions. No one told me that I would be so angry. Do not look at my wife like she stole me away from my people. She didn’t steal me at all she won my heart by loving me and my heart. There is no one on this earth who I trust more to take care of the most fragile part of my being than Jennifer. Countless black men and woman died fighting for the right to be viewed equal so why are you mad that we are living out that equality?
No one told me how all of the hatred or disagreements of others regarding our marriage would make us love each other so much more. No one told me that “through thick and thin” meant dealing with thick skulled people with thin hearts. No one told me that I’d actually feel sorry for them and at times cry for them. While they are staring or whispering I’ll be loving my wife without shame or questions of normalcy.
There is a song from the movie The Greatest Showman called Rewrite the Stars. It’s about a black girl and a white guy who would rewrite the stars in order to be together but they can’t. The guy sings,
“What if we rewrite the stars?
Say you were made to be mine
Nothing could keep us apart
You’d be the one I was meant to find
It’s up to you, and it’s up to me
No one can say what we get to be
So why don’t we rewrite the stars?
Maybe the world could be ours
My wife and I don’t have to rewrite our stars. We are exactly where God wants us to be and He blesses our marriage. He sees us and says our marriage is good because He put us together. We were made for each other. Of all the other Godly women in this world He chose Jennifer to be mine. That’s something no one can take away but it’s something that God can add to. I’m reminded of that everytime I see that beautiful bump of Jennifer’s. When our son is born, he will know it too. He will know that despite what the world may say or do, God knows what He is doing.